Tuesday, 30 December 2014

The Basic Math Of Long Term Relationships Just Doesn’t Add Up

The Basic Math Of Long Term Relationships Just Doesn’t Add Up

A lot of young men meet a girl, start having great sex with her, find
they get along well (easy when she’s dropping her panties 2-3 times a
day), and it turns into a relationship. Pretty soon they are moving in
together and becoming a regular married couple. Outside of red pill
players, young people 18-30 take their relationships quite seriously,
whereas it’s often the “jaded” 30+ that are pragmatic.

I was trying to think about why young people take relationships so
seriously. It’s an easy trap to fall into. A large part of it calls back
to the days when marriage was a must. If you’ve got a girl—you hold
onto her. It’s instinctive. There’s a certain amount of blue pill or new
age-90s”‘soulmate” in men’s minds and also the scarcity mentality. On a
subconscious level we are also trying to prove ourselves to society.
“I’m married and respectable.”  Even a battle-hardened PUA has to work
to get laid. Looking at my own attitudes and experiences, it’s largely a
matter of expediency.

If she’s sexy, amenable, available and co-operative, a logical,
rational man just wants more of the same. Why not see her as often as
possible, why not move in with her? Society does respect legal
paperwork, and I got married three times because I moved about the
world; it’s the easiest way for a couple to negotiate immigration
procedures. I got a second passport out of it, sex on tap, and someone
to help fetch groceries and keep the house tidy. There are advantages.
It also “in theory” takes the stress out of getting laid.

Sure anyone with game can pick up girls, and 99/100 of those won’t
have diseases, be psychos that try to murder you in your sleep, run to
the police screaming rape etc. But there is the odd 1/100 you have to be
on guard against. Beyond expediency comes trust. With trust comes
relaxation. There is a fair amount of stress involved in getting naked
with a stranger and unless you do that in the alleyway behind a
nightclub, you’ll have to share a private space with her and to some
extent be on guard not to have your phone and wallet stolen.

On the flip side, some months into a relationship, you can trust her
with the key to your home and not find she’s rented a U-Haul and cleaned
the place out. Trust is a big one and it creates lots of benefits.
Drank too much last night and took a cab home. Throw her the car keys to
go and retrieve it. A wife becomes like an assistant; a trustworthy
“employee” that can handle all kinds of every day errands. In the man’s
mind, locking down a girl, is “making life easier.”

This Is A Fallacy

Aside from calling me jaded because I’ve been there and done it one
too many times, I do at least have the experience of LTRs to explain to
you why “more of the same” and “making life easier” is not the correct
attitude. Beyond the blue pill warrior that wants to “do the right
thing” or thinks he’s met his soulmate, there are still red pill ideals
that could favor an LTR or marriage.

Younger red pillers are inclined to throw their hands in the air and
say “bang bitches,” but that stonewall attitude doesn’t resolve the
ideal of having a partner. A fair few PUAs give up game to have kids
(although probably they are only kidding themselves). Talk of not being
alone is also bandied about, though let me tell you, there is no place
lonelier than an LTR, even a good one.

Here’s the problem: more of the same involves ever increasing amounts
of work. Einstien’s law of relativity shows that increasing amounts of
acceleration require exponentially increasing amounts of energy. Moving
in together will lock down more of the same, only by increasing energy
input. Why buy the cow, as they say, when you can milk it for free?

I was dating a girl for more than a year and we had a great time
together, then she invited me to move in with her. I balked. If I move
in, she’s now got one over on me to pay the rent, take out the trash,
help clean the bathroom, service her car, “when are you coming home” –
etc. Pretty soon I can’t get up in the morning without her shopping list
of tasks—weekends with her parents and God knows what.

A Man In A Long Term Relationship Becomes Beta By Default

When a relationship gets to that point 1-2 months in where there is
trust, great sex, and an amicable outlook, a man is thinking “more of
the same.” But he is in large part only trying to maintain the status
quo long term – BIG MISTAKE! Nothing remains constant for very
long. The man is trying to defy a basic law of physics, while from her
point of view, she’s making a long term investment that costs her only a
few months of her time and is based on ideals of what you will ADD to
her life in the future. Notice the word ADD in the equation.

She’s all happy and amenable right now, but if you don’t add those
things, some of which might be total romantic pipe dreams, she will
become dissatisfied. At the very least you now face an uphill and
ever-steepening path. Women may seem airheaded and frivolous, and even
good girls will plough into sexual relationships with almost zero
communication and planning, but in her mind she knows what she wants.

You have to meet at least a part of her expectations. What is game if
not presenting yourself as a man who will meet her expectations? In
many cases you must also figure out what it is she’s expecting, because
she sure as hell won’t tell you directly. Easy in the short term, but
long term if she does communicate, it will most likely be a low level
hum of moody dissatisfaction that’s far from the relaxing “more of the
same” you had in mind.

“More Of The Same” Does Not Exist

The fringe benefits of living with a woman can easily be recreated by
hiring a person assistant or housekeeper. If you don’t have a budget
for that, earning money is easier than some poverty mentality
relationship with trust built on the basis of you both getting naked
together. It doesn’t make much sense. You lose far more than you gain.
The more you try to keep the golden goose, the more expensive it becomes
to you.

If you are sick with the flu, hung over, scrambling late for work, in
a bad mood etc. —having her living with you prevents you from
maintaining that ultra-cool “player” persona. The more she gets to peek
behind the curtains, the more she will lose respect. At the very least
any romantic illusions you’ve built up will begin to fade. Not only are
you chasing “more of the same” with increasing input, but you are doing
it at an ever-increasing disadvantage. In plain English: You’re fucked!

Rock bands on tour get fed up with each other, in large part because
it’s just too much time together. Red pill married guys talk about
relationship game, but it’s not the same because she has seen behind the
curtain. You can’t game someone that’s fed up with you and knows you
personally. It’s like sending a wanted felon into the police station to
carry out an armed robbery, where there’s no money, after you’ve
notified the police he’s coming. Where is the upside?

Female Biology

All of this is before you consider the sexual side of the equation,
which is why a man gets into this in the first place. The fringe
benefits are a convenience for a person that can’t afford to hire staff,
but tits and pussy is the main item on the menu hallmarked for “more of
the same.”

25% of the time a woman has PMS or is menstruating. You probably
skipped a lot of that when you were dating, but now you live with her,
you’ll be emptying the trash can of her sanitary towels. The day will
come when she’s got the flu AND her period. Poor girl, you think, I
can’t force her to give me sexual pleasure in this state—Of course you
can’t but – BANG! – you’re done. Sex during her period is now off the
menu – permanently. She’s just waiting to build that fence. Yet again we
find more of the same requires ever-increasing effort.

The things you are giving up are not monetary, they are priceless.

In the 21st Century the LTR is bankrupt for a man. There’s an
ever-decreasing return for ever-increasing input, with the playing field
constantly shifting against you. Never mind her aging and menopause,
never mind all the legal issues and divorce risks. We haven’t even
discussed her career, feminists traits, family ties etc. Like the
character in the photo, you are trying to walk on water, hanging upside
down while holding on to her—all for what?