Some Realities About Attraction And Dating | The Private Man
Ross Jeffries is a seduction educator from way back. His first book
on seduction was published over 20 years ago. He had a great quote that I
heard on an archived talk show from 1992. When he was asked “What do women really want?” his response was rather brutal.
“I don’t care what they want.”
Before the audience could respond, he continued.
“I only care what women respond to.”
This is the solid crux of the matter. It is the heart of the Red Pill
world view in the context of attraction and dating. It is what men of
all ages must accept and internalize. There’s a blizzard of words where
women claim what they want. Fair enough, but social expectations and polite company compel
women to say what they are expected to say. Men must know this if they
are to have good dating experiences. The rest of the TV segment is
Some more of his wisdom:
“There is what women say they want.
There is what women think they want.
There is what women respond to.
Which one do you think matters?”
This is rather cold stuff but it’s ultimately true. The truth of this
is on display in the online dating profiles of women. I’ve read
thousands upon thousands of such profiles and the vast majority are not
exactly riveting. Fortunately, there are consistent patterns in these
profiles. Here is a typical statement in a woman’s profile:
“I’m looking for a decent, honorable guy because I’m tired of dating jerks.”
This is a perfectly reasonable request. Yet between the lines it’s
easy to see how the actions and words are not in synchronization. The
desire for a decent, honorable guy is what she says wants and what she
thinks she wants. But how is it that she keeps dating jerks? Those are
her actions in real life and that’s the fundamentally truth. She reacts
positively to the type of guys she perceives – retroactively – as jerks.
Why are they jerks? It’s very likely that these were attractive men
simply exercising their options regarding women. When it comes to
attraction, no one wants to be just an option. This is a feature of our
species, not a bug.
I render absolutely no judgments on either the woman or the men she’s
dated in the past. This is simply the reality regarding attraction and
dating. No amount of social expectations or shame can change this
reality. Men and women will do what they want even while acknowledging
(with words) the problems of the current attraction and dating
landscape. Rather than wasting energy of trying to change the world,
both men and women can make personal adjustments to better adapt so that
relationship goals can be met.
My blog and many other Manosphere blogs encourage masculine
self-improvement that goes way beyond the pickup artist systems marketed
by thinly veiled hucksters. I focus more on charisma, confidence,
competence, and leadership. But some of my blog peers focus on physical
self-improvement. Others make masculine fashion the central theme of the
blog. The nice side effect of such masculine improvement is that a man
becomes more attractive to more women. Note that I said this is a side
effect, not the primary goal of self-improvement.