Monday, 28 July 2014

How To Handle Women With A Ticking Biological Clock

How To Handle Women With A Ticking Biological Clock

BCT’s have their own dating lingo. As is standard with women, what they say and what they really mean are generally two very different things. The following is a short list of commonly used phrases popular amongst BCT’s  and the translation to what they really mean.

“I’ve had my fun and now I’m ready to settle down.”

Translation: I’ve been on the express train to pound town for roughly 15 years with countless men. Now that my looks are deteriorating and my family is asking me, “When are you going to find a nice guy and start a family?” I’ve finally decided that I will try to nail down some unfortunate son of a bitch and drain him of his resources, happiness and ultimately, his soul. Short version: I’m a whore.

“I know that I’m going to make a great mom someday.”

Translation: I think being selfish, vapid, and on anti-depressants in conjunction with drunken hookups and working eight hours a day in an office environment has somehow properly prepared me to raise children.

“I’m at an age where I’m just sick of the drama.”

Translation: I love drama. In fact, it turns me on and I can’t live without it. The truth of the matter is that I’m really a 14 year old girl trapped in an adult woman’s body. I cause all of the drama in my life because I’m a juvenile pain in the ass and I want everyone around me to know it. You, as a man, better provide me with ample amounts of drama or else you will be considered boring and I won’t want to fuck you. I might marry you and have kids with you, but rest assured, I will be divorcing you down the road and taking half your shit.

“It’s so hard to find a guy that’s looking for a serious relationship.”

Translation: I perpetually disqualify myself as relationship material through an unwillingness to clean, an inability to cook, and by being an entitled bratty bitch. I also chase men that clearly have no interest in settling down even though I clearly understand they’re not serious from the onset. However, I will continue blaming men for my piss-poor decisions and will make absolutely no effort to change my ways. As a result, I will continue with the status quo of being fucked and discarded due to my actions and deficiencies.

“I’m really looking for a guy that just ‘gets it’.”

Translation: I’m looking for a janitor to mop up the explosive diarrhea shit-mess that I call my fucked up life.